Sometimes, I'm about as strong as an ant!

Truth be told, I'm not always as strong as maybe you think I am. There are times, when I ponder a thought one second too long, and there it goes. My mind carries me away on a wave of lies. It happened last night. I'm going to be very vulnerable and transparent, because you'll love me anyway...right?

For the first time, in a very long time, I had a panic attack. Crying, shaking uncontrollably, feeling like I could vomit. It. Was. Horrible. It was over my marriage and my children. Satan was reminding me of all the things I've said or done wrong. Whispering things like, "You are such a horrible mom, you know that's why you never conceived." On and on it went. We all know that the only power satan has is the power of suggestion, that's nothing new. The problem comes when we, as children of God, decide to listen to those suggestions and not follow God's direction as written in 1 Corinthians 10:5, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

So paralyzed that I couldn't open my bible, my mind was absolutely consumed. So distracted by noice.

Then it stopped.

The Lord spoke through Chris. He told me this is not who I am. That the enemy was telling me lies and I was listening. He told me he loved me got on his knees in front of me. I listened to his voice, giving me truth. Chris was telling me who I am and whose I am.

So today, I've been in praise and worship, more prayer and more reminding me of truth. The First5 devotions have been amazing. They have impacted my life in all areas. But even in that and my prayer time, in the days before last night, I'd been distracted. Not spending time with the Lord as I should, not even close. So in that, I became vulnerable. 

Praising God, that not even a panic attack was wasted. He's shown me why it happened and let me see Jesus in Chris like I have prayed about for so long.

A Dare to live fully...right where I am

#14 Storm Clouds...Silver linings

Thankfulness. Sure, it's easy to be thankful for good things - date nights, good report cards, our food.  But what about the "messes"?  My challenge this week has been to be thankful in the middle of the things that are not necessarily going "my way".  To see the beauty in the ugly.

The ugly - ugh, it's everywhere.  The struggle to get your straight A child to turn in his homework - ugly. The habit of children telling untruths - ugly. Those that choose to burying food in the backyard (yes, it's true) - ugly. The puppy potty-training, the loads of laundry that needs to get done - oh and the major appliances that need to be fixed - ugly.  The struggle to make it financially - ugly. It is all ugly or is it?

"Eucharist (Thanksgiving) is the state of the perfect man. Eucharist is the life of paradise. 

Eucharist is the only full and realy response of man to God's creation, redemption, 

and gift of heaven."-Alexander Schmemann.  

Eucharisteo - thanksgiving.

Thank-you is a word that can change you, your world - the whole world!

A Dare to live fully...right where I am

#14 Sunsets - He speaks.

Disappointment. We all face them every day. Whether it's with wrong choices made by one of our children, not getting the things done around the house that you wanted to, or slipping time in for yourself. Perhaps it's disappointment that comes from your job and not receiving recognition on a job well done or maybe it's a disappointment with your spouse.

In any case, disappointment is merely a distraction. A distraction that blurs the vision of what we should truly be focusing on and that is our relationship with God and the gifts that He brings our way each and every day and the thankfulness we should give to Him in return.

Colossians 3:15-17 -Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.

So I've started a Gratitude Journal. I carry it with me everywhere I go to write down things that I am grateful for. In doing so, I've asked God to show me, point out to me the things He has given to me. It's interesting the first couple of days, I became frustrated in trying to see things to be thankful for...but now, I'm just frustrated when I don't have my camera to take a picture, I see things everywhere! :D

Here are just some that I've jotted down since my #1 in last week's blog:

#4 Geese nesting on rooftops

#7 Uncontrollable laughter at the dinner table

#10 Outburst of dance in the middle of the mall

#12 Lightning piercing the night sky

Interesting as I am ending this blog, this doxology came to mind...He speaks!!

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

A Dare to live fully...right where I am

#1. Accidental phone calls from our children that end with them saying, "I love you mom, have a good day".

In a world that craves instant results - from sending a text message that someone will get instantly or popping lunch in the microwave that will be ready in an instant - lives are fast paced - always wishing for tomorrow, wanting the latest and greatest. Like everyone else - on Monday morning, I'm guilty of saying that I can't wait for the weekend and in essence - I miss out on seeing everything that Monday through Friday had to offer me. I skipped over the gifts that God brings me each and every day - you know those things that we all take for granted - not on purpose but in our pursuit of the next thing that we want or needs to be done.

On Saturday, March 16th I picked up the book "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp and it is changing my life and dare I say re-defining who I am. On March 16th this adventure began, an adventure to be thankful and to live life fully...right where I am. In order to fully live we must live each moment - taking in the gifts that each moment brings. Knowing full well that each moment that we have it a gift from God.

"Gratitude (Thankfulness) bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world." -Sara Ban Breathnach.

Moments of awe...moments. Not minutes, hours or days - just moments. My prayer is the God will help me to experience "moments of awe". An 'awe' that can only come from an AWEsome God. The creator of everything we see. it could be a sunrise, birds singing, a green light when you are running late...it's the gifts from God that we simply take for granted.

So today, I'm putting a stake in the ground, drawing a line in the sand - asking God to help me to experience these moments of awe and to give him the thanks He so deserves. I will share later more on thankfulness and what it means - but for today, the picture with this post is one of my moments of awe.

Carefree

The definition of 'carefree' is free from trouble and worry and care.

So many times I get caught up in the issues of the day...to be carefree seems unobtainable.

On a recent trip to Chicago (one of our favorite destinations by the way) we were visiting Navy Pier and right across the street was this huge fountain. We were on our way back to the hotel to pack up and leave but we were really in no hurry and I said, "Kids want to play in the fountain?" To which they replied, "But we don't have our swim suits, we don't have towels and we will have to get on the trolley wet?" and I said, "Well, if you don't care...I don't care." They went ecstatic! It was as though they thought, "Mom has fell off her rocker and we better take full advantage of it before she comes to her senses!" They were in!

It was awesome! Not for the mere fact that they had fun - I have tons of pictures of them laughing and splashing. It was for this picture of Ethan. While the other got in and perhaps were hesitant on getting completely soaked...not Ethan. He slowly waded through the water, stood straight up against the wall with water gushing down the sides. He simply didn't care. Didn't care that he was soaked through...that he may be cold, that he would have to sit in wet pants for the ride home or how he looked to others. He was the epitome of carefree.

I believe that perhaps the Lord persuaded me to 'let go' that day for this picture alone. Oh, the other photos are awesome...some caught water droplets in mid-air, or smiles that were from ear to ear...but there is something about this picture. Every time I look at it, I am reminded that I need to be 'carefree'. Yes, issues come, but I don't have to succumb to those issues to the point that it takes me away from being 'carefree'.

Matthew 6:26 (MSG) Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

Yes I do! My prayer is that God will help me be more 'carefree'!

Sweet Reminders

So today I was reading a blog from my cousin, Eric who leaves for Africa this week. I so enjoyed reading about his excitement and hesitation about his trip. Reading it gave me the opportunity to stop and pray for him and his family. But reading his blog got me thinking about my own blog.

It has been over two years since my last post, I couldn't remember the name of the blog and had to go and reset my password just to log onto the site.

As I began reading the few stories that I had posted, I laughed out loud reading some of them! Why did I stop blogging? Well, quite frankly, I didn't think anyone was really interested in reading them, I didn't get the feedback I expected, so I stopped. But then my thoughts turned to how much I needed to write them, if for no one else, but ME!

You know life gets crazy - and sometimes, we need to remind ourselves of what we have and just how blessed we are! So you know what? I am back and I am blogging. If you happen to read a story and would like to comment, that is fantastic and I will LOVE it...but if not, I am going to keep this online journal and I hope that anyone who reads it will enjoy the The Coleman Chronicles - for me it's for the Sweet Reminders!

(P.S. Thanks Eric!! :D )

God had a Plan!

Proverbs 8:22 says, "God sovereignly made me—the first, the basic— before he did anything else. I was brought into being a long time ago, well before Earth got its start. I arrived on the scene before Ocean, yes, even before Springs and Rivers and Lakes. Before Mountains were sculpted and Hills took shape, I was already there, newborn; Long before God stretched out Earth's Horizons, and tended to the minute details of Soil and Weather, And set Sky firmly in place, I was there. When he mapped and gave borders to wild Ocean, built the vast vault of Heaven, and installed the fountains that fed Ocean, When he drew a boundary for Sea, posted a sign that said no trespassing, And then staked out Earth's Foundations, I was right there with him, making sure everything fit. Day after day I was there, with my joyful applause, always enjoying his company, Delighted with the world of things and creatures, happily celebrating the human family."

Do you get it? Before He did anything else, He thought of YOU. What an awesome thought. With all of the attention that the new movie ORPHAN is getting - to me, it could be an awesome...perhaps Christian families around the world will wake up to the call that is listed in James 1:27 says, "Anyone who sets himself up as "religious" by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world."

Moreover, were we not adopted? Ephesians 1:3-6 says, "How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He's the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son."

Thank you God, for choosing me. Choosing me to be an example of exactly what you did for me...for I too, was an orphan and you adopted me. Thank you for helping Chris and I raise these wonderful children to serve you - for without you...I am nothing. Thank you for helping us be an example to others that you too have called to the purpose of adoption.